I haven’t posted on here in quite some time, and this post is meant to indicate that I will never do so again. In the past few months I’ve taken a break from Tumblr in an attempt to evaluate its place, if any, in my life. Ultimately, I have found that its capacity as a blog engine and a way to keep in touch with certain news channels is useful, but its nature as a source of constant distraction is too much of a problem. This is not to say I can’t control this. As of now I have unfollowed all non-professional blogs and limited myself to a few writers, publications, and artists. Additionally, though I will not be deleting this blog, I have begun a private one to take its place. No concept of popularity, reach, or any need for approval. I’m considering a short post each day describing what I’ve done and what I hope to accomplish in the near or far future. It’s been a good run and I’m grateful for the few people I’ve met via this site, but I can no longer allow myself to waste time apathetically scrolling through the endless stream of negativity, apathy, and sarcastic “cleverness” that this site provides. This is not directed at anyone I know, rather, it is my fault for maintaining a subscription to such blogs. If I have time to blankly stare at a “poignant” gif from a romantic comedy, it means that I have time to be doing something productive instead.
As for a final state of affairs, my life is, as it always has been, incredible and crushing at the same time. Like a sunset, it is a beautiful wane. In the past few months, I’ve changed majors, met new people, founded a jazz band, and starred in a short film. I threw one of the best parties this dorm has ever seen, thanks to some good friends and roommates. I confessed my romantic feelings to a good friend and learned that a compassionate rejection is one of the worst experiences a person can go through. I’ve started dorm traditions, played saxophone with Ari Brown, and applied to study in Paris. I got a 13 on my math final but still passed the class. A beautiful girl asked me to sleep with her but my heart not being in it, I turned her down. I’ve maintained a beard, cut my own hair, and taken a cold shower in a berserk state. I shaved while listening to “Needle In The Hay” and am still alive. I let a relationship dissolve through apathy, while another was cut short by a girl for reasons I don’t understand but must respect. I still don’t believe in any god. Based on the past few months of listening, my current favorite genres are punk, rap, and electronic pop, and my favorite bands at the moment are Titus Andronicus, Japandroids, Death Grips, Interpol, and Passion Pit. I don’t work, except when I have to. I don’t want to be in a relationship but now I know that I could never have sex with someone I didn’t care about. I still don’t drink coffee. I believe desire is the root of all suffering but I don’t know what to do about it yet. I want to be the kind of person that people want to know, but will temporarily settle for being the kind of person that people don’t regret knowing. I told a girl once that people can change and I really hope I was right. There is so much to say and so much to do and so little time.
I am still trying.
My best to you all,
I’ve written about this before, but here’s something I generally believe, as delivered by a pretty excellent (and unique) 60s song. Nice acoustic work, really dig this verse, and great trumpet solo.